JANUARY 3, 2014

Full News Archive

• Headline: De Blasio's Challenging First Day as Mayor. Impact: De Blasio's struggle with the police and the winter storm set the stage for a series of unfortunate mayoral PR disasters that would eventually lead to a reality TV show called 'Keeping Up with the De Blasios'.. Fact: Fun fact: de Blasio’s first winter storm as mayor was so dramatic that it made Game of Thrones look like a picnic in Central Park..
• Headline: India's Struggle with Athletic Drug Use. Impact: India’s steroid scandal led to a bizarre future where athletes are more concerned about their social media presence than their actual performance, resulting in a new sport called 'Instagram Olympics'.. Fact: Did you know that the only thing less reliable than a performance-enhancing drug test in India is the promise that your cousin will definitely stop using them for the next competition?.
• Headline: Otto Schenk’s Opera Stagings Still at Home in Vienna. Impact: Schenk's operas became the backdrop for future Vienna tourists, who, after seeing the productions, declared themselves 'experts' on European culture, leading to a 300% increase in beret sales.. Fact: Did you know that 'Die Fledermaus' literally means 'The Bat'? Because apparently, that’s what everyone feels like after a night of opera—batty!.
• Headline: Paris Embraces ‘Einstein’ Again. Impact: The return of 'Einstein on the Beach' sparked a series of avant-garde movements worldwide, leading to a future where people began interpreting their morning coffee as performance art.. Fact: Did you know that 'Einstein on the Beach' is so abstract that even Einstein himself would have raised an eyebrow and asked, 'What did I just watch?'.