JANUARY 2, 2014

Full News Archive

• Headline: Fiat Acquires Full Ownership of Chrysler. Impact: Fiat’s acquisition of Chrysler was like a soap opera plot twist, sparking a series of mergers and acquisitions that eventually led to a world where cars are built by corporations that also own pizza chains. The future is deliciously odd!. Fact: Fun fact: The last thing Chrysler saw before being bought was a giant slice of pizza with a Fiat logo on it. Coincidence? I think not!.
• Headline: Controversy Surrounds Student Debt Collection Practices. Impact: The ruthless tactics of the Loan Monitor sparked a nationwide revolution in student debt awareness, leading to the birth of countless memes and hashtags like #DebtFreeOrBust. Who knew financial despair could be so entertaining?. Fact: Ironically, the Educational Credit Management Corporation was once just a group of college students who misunderstood the word 'management' and thought it meant 'making things worse'.
• Headline: Boehner Is Said to Back Change on Immigration. Impact: Boehner's tentative support for immigration changes turned into a game of political hopscotch, where every step forward was met with two steps back, ultimately leading to endless debates about debate itself. What an achievement!. Fact: Boehner's skin tone is a direct result of years spent analyzing how to look like a sun-kissed leader while crafting legislation in a dimly lit office.
• Headline: Plenty of Reminders of Populism’s Limits. Impact: The reminders of populism’s limits set off alarm bells among politicians everywhere, leading to the rise of 'Populism Lite', a watered-down version that still promises to lower your taxes while increasing your stress levels. Cheers!. Fact: Bill de Blasio's inauguration speech was so carefully crafted that it nearly had its own audio book – 'How to Speak Politically Without Actually Saying Anything'.