DECEMBER 23, 2013

Full News Archive

• Headline: Paramount's Profit Shift in Hollywood. Impact: If Paramount had stuck to producing more films, we might have been inundated with sequels to sequels, leading to a cinematic apocalypse where every movie was just a rehash of the last. Thanks to Brad Grey, we narrowly avoided the 'Fast and Furious' universe taking over every screen in America.. Fact: Paramount's strategy shift is a bit like deciding to turn down the volume on a party that was already too loud. You're not saving the world, but at least your neighbors won't call the cops..
• Headline: U.S. Tech Procurement Stuck in the Past. Impact: The U.S. tech procurement practices remaining stuck in the past may lead to future generations still using floppy disks and dial-up modems, while countries that embraced innovation leap ahead. Who knows, maybe we'll all be working from our smart fridges by then.. Fact: In the tech world, 'last century' can also mean 'last week' if you're not careful. But hey, at least we can still buy a brand new flip phone!.
• Headline: Regulating New York's Skyline Growth. Impact: If New York City does put limits on skyscrapers, we might see a resurgence of good old-fashioned block parties. Nothing says community like fighting over who gets to park their car in front of the neighbor's 20-story building!. Fact: The tallest building in NYC, One World Trade Center, is a constant reminder that the city's architects have a real complex about height. It's like they’re trying to outdo each other in a very expensive game of 'who's taller.'.
• Headline: Amid Steady Deportation, Fear and Worry Multiply Among Immigrants. Impact: As deportations continue, it could lead to a future where children grow up with an even deeper sense of mistrust in government. This could sow seeds for a new political movement: 'The Children of the Deported'—or, you know, just a lot of sad stories.. Fact: In a world where 'family values' is a hot political topic, it's ironic how many families are being torn apart. Guess that’s what they mean by 'family separation'—a real political twist on the classic 'dinner table debate.'.
• Headline: Investment Strategy Rises From Obscurity. Impact: The rise of master limited partnerships could pave the way for a financial renaissance where everyone suddenly becomes a stock market guru. Just imagine the dinner parties filled with unsolicited investment advice! 'Have you tried investing in potato futures?'. Fact: Master limited partnerships are like the hipsters of the investment world—they're trendy, obscure, and only a select few really understand them. But hey, they're outperforming the stock market, so who’s laughing now?.