DECEMBER 13, 2013

Full News Archive

• Headline: The Rise of Music Streaming Services. Impact: As streaming services took over, vinyl records became retro chic. Now, thanks to this headline, hipsters everywhere are frantically searching for turntables, inadvertently boosting thrift store revenues. Who knew a love for nostalgia could propel the economy?. Fact: Did you know that while music streaming made artists rich, it also made Spotify’s algorithm the closest thing we have to a digital DJ? Too bad it still thinks you want to hear the same Ed Sheeran song for the 100th time..
• Headline: Blackstone's Profitable Hilton Acquisition. Impact: This surprising profit led Blackstone to invest in more properties, inadvertently causing a global hotel room shortage during peak vacation season. Now your family reunion involves camping in your cousin's backyard – thanks, Blackstone!. Fact: Did you know that Blackstone’s success turned them into the ‘cool kids’ of Wall Street? Because nothing says ‘I’m savvy’ like profiting off of a hotel chain during a recession..
• Headline: VW Appoints New U.S. Leader Amid Sales Drop. Impact: The change in leadership sparked a series of misguided marketing campaigns that eventually led to the infamous 'Vee Dub' sticker craze. Now every car enthusiast has a decal collection that rivals their vinyls.. Fact: Did you know that VW's sales decline was so profound that it inspired an entire generation of memes? Because who doesn't love a good joke about a car that 'drives' you crazy?.
• Headline: Among the Debris, Something Divine. Impact: Conor McPherson’s play became a cult classic, leading to a bizarre trend of people naming their cats after his characters. This sparked a cat-naming revolution that left pet owners everywhere scratching their heads.. Fact: Did you know that ‘The Night Alive’ is not only a play but also the perfect name for your next cat? Just imagine calling out 'Night Alive, dinner time!'.
• Headline: Shivering Timbers, And More. Impact: The stage adaptation led to a sudden spike in interest in poetry and dance, resulting in a bizarre wave of poetry slams at dance clubs. Now you can cha-cha while reciting Keats – talk about multitasking!. Fact: Did you know that ‘The Rime of the Ancient Mariner’ was almost titled ‘The Rime of the Slightly Annoyed Mariner’? Because who doesn’t love a mariner complaining about his bad luck?.