DECEMBER 6, 2013

Full News Archive

• Headline: New Allergy Treatments: Pills and Drops. Impact: If allergy sufferers had switched to pills earlier, we might have avoided a world where sneezing in public is considered a crime—thanks, social distancing!. Fact: Did you know that allergy shots were once thought to be the only solution, while pills and drops were just a figment of a lazy pharmacist's imagination?.
• Headline: Budget Accord Faces Party Divisions. Impact: This budget accord is like a toddler learning to ride a bike: a shaky start, a few wobbles, and probably a crash into the neighbor's flower bed.. Fact: Fun fact: Congress has been negotiating budgets since the dawn of time, and yet somehow, they still can't manage to agree on pizza toppings!.
• Headline: Stockton's Path to Financial Recovery. Impact: Stockton's journey to solvency is like a reality show contestant who almost wins but still has to face the inevitable reunion special—pension payments are the drama that never ends.. Fact: Did you know that Stockton's biggest problem isn't just the pensions? It's also the fact that they have to explain bankruptcy to their kids at the dinner table!.
• Headline: Rueful Romance, Stripped of All but Vulnerability. Impact: Bacharach's melancholic hits might just be the soundtrack to an alternate timeline where everyone is perpetually sad, but at least they're dancing to it!. Fact: Did you know that 'What’s It All About?' is basically a musical version of scrolling through your ex's Instagram? Vulnerability never sounded so catchy!.
• Headline: On the World’s Roads, More American Wheels. Impact: American wheels taking over the world's roads could lead to a global traffic jam where everyone is honking at each other in different languages—what a diplomatic nightmare!. Fact: Did you know that despite the rise in exports, the most popular vehicle in the world is still the one that has a surprisingly high number of cup holders?.