DECEMBER 4, 2013

Full News Archive

• Headline: Credit Feud Rekindled by Apology. Impact: If only Sean Egan and Richard B. Handler had settled their feud over a cup of coffee instead of credit ratings, perhaps the global financial crisis of 2008 would have been avoided. Or at least, their coffee would have been better.. Fact: Did you know that credit ratings are basically just opinions with numbers? Kind of like your relatives at Thanksgiving..
• Headline: Unapproved Cancer Devices Under FDA Regulations. Impact: The FDA's laissez-faire attitude towards rare cancer treatments could lead to a future where everyone is trying out 'miracle cures' like they’re the next trendy diet. Who knows, perhaps kale juice will cure everything… or not.. Fact: Fun fact: the medical world has more 'miracle cures' than a late-night infomercial. Spoiler: they rarely work..
• Headline: De Blasio and McCray: A New Dynamic Duo. Impact: Bill de Blasio's partnership with his wife could set off a chain reaction of political spouses trying to take over City Hall. Next thing you know, we'll have a First Cat leading press conferences.. Fact: In politics, it's not just about who you know, but also who you married. Beware of those romantic alliances, they might lead to power trips!.
• Headline: Jihadist Groups Gain in Turmoil Across Middle East. Impact: Ayman al-Zawahri's ambitions in Syria might have led to a butterfly effect where future generations are debating over which Middle Eastern country is the best vacation spot. Spoiler: it's not Syria.. Fact: Did you know that in the chaos of the Middle East, 'vacation' has a different meaning? It usually involves lots of paperwork and a lot less sunshine..
• Headline: Hands-On Bavarian Count Presides Over a Pencil-Making Empire. Impact: Count Anton-Wolfgang von Faber-Castell's pencil empire could spark a resurgence in handwriting, making future generations pine for the days of ink and paper. Watch out for the hipster pencil revival!. Fact: Fun fact: the pencil was invented so we could erase our mistakes, much like life choices in the digital age. #SorryNotSorry.