NOVEMBER 17, 2013

Full News Archive

• Headline: Inequities in Climate Crisis Gain Attention. Impact: As climate change debates escalate, someone in a distant future learns about the concept of 'sustainable living,' which inadvertently leads to the invention of solar-powered toasters that toast bread with the energy of a thousand suns. Unfortunately, they burn down the first toast museum.. Fact: Climate change: because who needs a stable environment when you can have a heated debate instead?.
• Headline: Democrats Face Health Care Rollout Challenges. Impact: The health care debacle inspires a new generation of politicians to take up improv comedy, believing that laughter might heal what ails American healthcare. Spoiler alert: it doesn’t.. Fact: Democrats balancing loyalty and constituency needs is like trying to juggle chainsaws while blindfolded - thrilling, but someone’s probably going to lose a finger..
• Headline: Doris Lessing: Literary Trailblazer Passes Away. Impact: Doris Lessing’s literary experiments lead to a future where robots write novels. In a cruel twist, the robots only produce terrible fan fiction, fueling a new literary crisis.. Fact: Doris Lessing: proving that if you ignore conventions long enough, you might just become a literary legend or a confused librarian's nightmare..
• Headline: Dispute Over Gay Marriage Erupts in Cheney Family. Impact: The Cheney family feud over gay marriage inspires a reality TV show, which eventually leads to a global trend of airing family disputes for entertainment. Who knew that chaos could be so profitable?. Fact: The Cheney family: where love and politics collide, creating an explosion that’s more entertaining than most scripted dramas..
• Headline: A Grace Note for a Gritty Business. Impact: The opening of the Sims Municipal Recycling Facility sparks a nationwide trend of 'eco-chic' design, causing interior designers to awkwardly incorporate trash into their work. Welcome to the age of 'gorgeous garbage.'. Fact: A waterfront recycling facility: because nothing says 'I care about the planet' like a pretty building filled with yesterday's lunch..