NOVEMBER 15, 2013

Full News Archive

• Headline: Morgan Stanley's Growth Under Chief's Vision. Impact: If Morgan Stanley's stock keeps soaring, we might just find ourselves in a reality where finance wizards are mistaken for actual wizards, complete with capes and magical money-making spells. Who's to say it hasn't already happened?. Fact: Morgan Stanley's growth strategy is so successful, it’s rumored they’re considering a new motto: 'Why take risks when you can just pretend to be good at avoiding them?'.
• Headline: Jacqueline Kennedy’s Iconic Pink Suit. Impact: Jacqueline Kennedy's pink suit could become the ultimate time capsule. If only it could talk, we'd get a firsthand account of the day that changed everything—and possibly a fashion tip or two.. Fact: That suit has been preserved so meticulously, it might as well have its own Instagram account, but instead of selfies, it just posts 'Throwback Thursdays' from 1963..
• Headline: U.S. Investigates Currency Trades by Major Banks. Impact: The investigation into currency trades may inadvertently lead to a future where all bank traders wear tinfoil hats, convinced that the regulations are part of a larger conspiracy to control their minds. Spoiler: they’re not that interesting.. Fact: The lax regulations are so lax, they might as well be a yoga class for financial institutions—stretching the limits of legality without breaking a sweat..
• Headline: Message From Yellen Is Full Speed Ahead on the Stimulus. Impact: Yellen's commitment to stimulus could lead to a world where money grows on trees, except that tree is actually a hedge fund, and the leaves are just stock certificates. Nature is complicated.. Fact: Janet Yellen's speeches are so full of confidence, they could convince a room full of skeptics that the economy is just a giant piñata waiting to burst open with candy and cash..