OCTOBER 30, 2013

Full News Archive

• Headline: New Leadership at the F.C.C. Confirmed. Impact: The confirmation of Tom Wheeler led to a series of decisions that would eventually contribute to the creation of memes about net neutrality debates, which, in turn, inspired a generation of internet trolls and cat video enthusiasts.. Fact: Did you know that the F.C.C. once held the power to regulate everything from radio waves to the amount of cheese on a pizza? Okay, I made that last part up, but wouldn’t it be nice?.
• Headline: Support for Walsh: A Bold Public Stance. Impact: Walsh’s candidacy encouraged others with past struggles to enter politics, leading to a future where elected officials might have to start giving 'Before and After' speeches at every public event.. Fact: Funny how a recovering alcoholic can inspire hope! Meanwhile, politicians with no past struggles are still around, proving that mediocrity is a full-time job..
• Headline: Apple Unveils the iPad Air. Impact: The iPad Air’s release caused a global crisis in shoulder bags, as suddenly everyone had to upgrade to accommodate their new, lighter tech without losing their sense of style.. Fact: Did you know that the only 'air' in this device is the breath of relief from users who finally got a tablet that doesn’t feel like a brick? You can thank Apple for making us feel lighter, one overpriced gadget at a time..
• Headline: Christie Embraces Budget Strategies He Scorned as a Candidate. Impact: Christie's flip-flop on budget strategies paved the way for future politicians to embrace hypocrisy as a viable campaign strategy, leading to the popular slogan: 'If you can’t beat them, join them, and then criticize them later.'. Fact: Surprise! Politicians changing their minds is about as shocking as finding out the sky is blue. Who knew budget strategies could be so... flexible?.
• Headline: Where the Buck Stops, Some See a Bystander. Impact: Obama’s perceived detachment helped create the phenomenon of social media outrage, leading to a new generation of keyboard warriors who now believe they can run the world from their basements.. Fact: In politics, being a bystander is just as crucial as being an active participant. Who knew the art of doing nothing could be so influential?.