OCTOBER 29, 2013

Full News Archive

• Headline: Deal-Making Hopes Dashed in 2023. Impact: The fizzling frenzy of deals sent shockwaves through the economy, resulting in a nationwide shortage of celebratory confetti and party hats. The dealmakers were left to mourn their lost bonuses in silence, turning to knitting as a form of therapy.. Fact: Economists have studied the correlation between deal-making and the number of cat videos viewed online. Spoiler: it's a direct relationship..
• Headline: House, Set to Vote on 2 Bills, Is Seen as an Ally of Wall St.. Impact: This vote was like a slow-motion car crash—everyone knew it was going to be bad, but they just couldn't look away. The ripple effect included an increasing number of politicians taking money from Wall Street, while the general public just continued to roll their eyes.. Fact: They say money talks, but in politics, it mostly just whispers sweet nothings in the ears of decision-makers while everyone else gets the silent treatment..
• Headline: Obama May Ban Spying on Heads of Allied States. Impact: The potential ban on spying was a pivotal moment in diplomatic relations. It inspired countless spy novels and movies, making actors rich while prompting real-life spies to consider alternate career paths, like barista or dog walker.. Fact: Chancellor Merkel's phone was famously tapped, turning her into the unwitting star of the world's worst reality show: 'Keeping Up with the Spies.'.