OCTOBER 3, 2013

Full News Archive

• Headline: Social Networks Compete for TV Viewers. Impact: In an alternate timeline where Facebook and Twitter didn’t engage in this epic showdown, we might have been forced to socialize in person. What a nightmare that would have been! Can you imagine? Small talk and actual eye contact?. Fact: Did you know that the average person now spends more time on social media than sleeping? Who knew scrolling was the new power nap?.
• Headline: UBS Puerto Rico Brokers' Lending Practices Investigated. Impact: If UBS had played nice and not caused a ruckus, the subsequent scandals might have never led to the rise of financial regulations. Fast forward, and we could have ended up in a world where banks are trusted again—what a terrifying thought!. Fact: Did you know that UBS stands for 'U Better Save'? Yeah, because their brokers clearly weren’t doing it for you..
• Headline: Brooklyn Inquiry Finds Witness Who Says Police Coached Him to Lie. Impact: This revelation could ripple through the justice system, leading to a reform that weaves truth and integrity into its fabric. Or, it might just lead to more people lying about their alibis. Time will tell!. Fact: Did you know that lying under pressure is almost an Olympic sport for some witnesses? They really should get medals for creativity..
• Headline: Wall St. Fears Go Beyond Shutdown. Impact: If Congress had actually decided to act like adults and raise the debt limit, we might have avoided a potential financial apocalypse. Instead, we got a thrilling rollercoaster of panic that taught everyone the true meaning of 'holding your breath.'. Fact: Did you know that Wall Street's favorite pastime is worrying? They even have a 'Worry Wednesday'—it’s like a weekly holiday for financial anxiety!.