SEPTEMBER 29, 2013

Full News Archive

• Headline: The Impact of Gun Access on Children. Impact: This heartbreaking trend led to the establishment of a secret society of ninja parents, who now patrol neighborhoods in stealth mode, armed with hugs and stern lectures about gun safety. Who knew compassion could be so edgy?. Fact: Did you know that in some states, it's easier to buy a gun than to adopt a pet? Because clearly, a shotgun is more reliable than a sweet puppy..
• Headline: Syria's Struggle: Artillery and Fatigue. Impact: The weariness in Syria encouraged an influx of Instagram influencers who, instead of helping, just documented the sadness for their followers. #WarWeariness became the trending topic, but it didn’t do much for peace.. Fact: Did you know that the word 'checkpoint' is now synonymous with 'boredom'? Because nothing screams excitement like waiting in line with a heavy heart..
• Headline: On the Threshold of Obamacare, Warily. Impact: The introduction of Obamacare made everyone a math whiz overnight. The complex calculations forced people to develop a newfound appreciation for calculus, resulting in a spike in mathletes and a decrease in human interaction.. Fact: Did you know that health insurance is the only thing more confusing than a family reunion? At least at a reunion, you can just pretend to understand your relatives..