SEPTEMBER 27, 2013

Full News Archive

• Headline: Tragic Outcome of Workplace Kindness. Impact: If only John Choi had given Sang Ho Kim a job in a kitten petting facility instead of a business, he might still be alive. They say 'what ifs' are just alternate timelines waiting to be explored!. Fact: In a twist of fate, kindness in the workplace has been statistically linked to higher survival rates—unless you're in a horror movie..
• Headline: JPMorgan Mortgage Deal Discussion. Impact: This fine could have caused a ripple effect, leading to an influx of people taking up knitting instead of investing in real estate, thus creating a new generation of cozy, financially astute grandmas.. Fact: JPMorgan Chase's motto might as well be 'Why fix a problem when you can throw money at it and hope it goes away?'.
• Headline: Detroit's Financial Aid Proposal Unveiled. Impact: With Detroit receiving only a fraction of the aid needed, a time traveler might argue that this moment sparked the 'Great American Underfunding' era, inspiring future generations to create GoFundMe pages for every state in crisis.. Fact: Detroit's financial woes are like that one friend who always borrows money but never pays you back—just when you think they’re getting better, they hit you with another sob story..
• Headline: Swimmer Is Fighting a Ruling: She Is Not Disabled Enough. Impact: Victoria Arlen's fight against bureaucratic classification might inspire a future where everyone is classified as 'disabled enough' to compete, leading to the first-ever 'Participation Olympics.'. Fact: Paralympic officials must have missed the memo that disability doesn't come with a 'one size fits all' label; it’s more like a mix-and-match wardrobe..
• Headline: Wounded by Broken Memories. Impact: John Tiffany's production could be the launchpad for a new movement where classic plays are revived with unexpected twists—think 'Glass Menagerie' meets 'Fast and Furious.'. Fact: Tennessee Williams probably never imagined his work would be described as 'most revealing'—we're still trying to figure out if that means the characters’ emotions or their fashion choices..