SEPTEMBER 21, 2013

Full News Archive

• Headline: Accessible Sports Merchandise Revolution. Impact: If everyone could get their sports gear with just a click, it led to the rise of couch athletes everywhere. Who needs exercise when you can wear a jersey and yell at the TV? A chain reaction resulting in more pizza deliveries and couch cushions worn into submission.. Fact: The only thing more inflated than sports merchandise prices is the ego of a fan who thinks their team is 'just one player away' from winning it all..
• Headline: Craigslist Poem Contest for $10,000. Impact: This ad might have sparked a renaissance of poetry or, more likely, led to countless cringe-worthy verses about avocado toast and existential dread. Who knew anonymous lovers would fund such a literary explosion?. Fact: For $10,000, you could buy a poem or just invest in a library card. But where's the drama in that?.
• Headline: Art Recovery: Profit and Ethics at Odds. Impact: This database's inception might have inadvertently inspired a whole genre of heist movies where art thieves lounge in cafes discussing their next big score. Art recovery? More like art side hustle!. Fact: In the world of stolen art, the phrase 'finders keepers' doesn't apply—unless you're the one who found it at a yard sale!.
• Headline: California Gives Expanded Rights to Noncitizens. Impact: By allowing noncitizens to participate in juries and elections, California may have inadvertently inspired a national debate on who really gets to call the shots. Next thing you know, even houseplants will be running for office!. Fact: If you think jury duty is boring, just wait until you get summoned by someone who can't even vote but can still judge your life choices..
• Headline: Challenges Await Plan to Reduce Emissions. Impact: The legal quagmire surrounding emission reductions could lead to scientists developing a time machine, just to go back and fix their mistakes. Spoiler: it's all about the paperwork!. Fact: The only thing harder to reduce than carbon emissions? The amount of hot air produced in political debates about them..