SEPTEMBER 15, 2013

Full News Archive

• Headline: The Urgency of Disarmament Talks. Impact: If Bashar al-Assad had decided not to cooperate, the butterfly flapped its wings, and suddenly we have a world where diplomats are frantically attending 'How to Negotiate with a Dictator' seminars instead of sipping lattes in peace. Who knew that would lead to a rise in barista jobs?. Fact: Did you know that the phrase 'the clock is ticking' is also a popular tagline for bad action movies? Just goes to show you that some narratives are universal..
• Headline: Innovative Fan Experience at Jaguars Games. Impact: The fantasy football lounge concept took off, leading to a world where fans prefer to watch games from their couches instead of in the stadium. Eventually, this culminated in the invention of the 'Couchball' championship, where athletes compete in sofa-sitting marathons.. Fact: Did you know the Jaguars' fantasy lounge was originally going to feature a petting zoo? Turns out fans prefer to pet their own egos instead..
• Headline: Wall St. Exploits Ethanol Credits, and Prices Spike. Impact: The rise of ethanol credits led to a thriving underground market of credit forgers, and suddenly everyone's cousin is a 'Ethanol Broker'. Who knew that a simple spike could turn into an episode of 'Breaking Bad'?. Fact: Did you know that ethanol credits are like the Pokémon of Wall Street? Gotta catch 'em all, but nobody really knows what you're supposed to do with them..
• Headline: Police Bullets Hit Bystanders, and Questions Rise Yet Again. Impact: That shooting incident led to a worldwide movement advocating for better police training, but in an alternate universe, it sparked a new reality show: 'Cops and Bystanders: Who's Really in Danger?'. Fact: It's often said that the most dangerous place is between a cop and a donut shop. Just kidding, it's really crowded areas with lots of bystanders..