AUGUST 29, 2013

Full News Archive

• Headline: Lobbyists Influence Dialysis Funding Reversal. Impact: This event spurred a chain reaction where lobbyists became the unofficial power brokers of Washington. By 2040, they were negotiating treaties on behalf of house plants in an effort to secure better watering rights.. Fact: Did you know that the word 'lobbyist' originally referred to people who hung out in the lobby of Congress? Now they just hang out in Congress, but the scenery is much the same..
• Headline: U.S. Evidence on Syrian Chemical Attack. Impact: The decision to release sensitive data led to a worldwide trend where governments began presenting PowerPoint presentations as proof of their actions, resulting in an entire generation of citizens who believed that everything could be solved with a good slideshow.. Fact: Did you know that PowerPoint was originally invented to help people make bad decisions more visually appealing? Talk about a modern miracle!.
• Headline: Israeli Perspective During Regional Turmoil. Impact: This stoic attitude caused a ripple effect that influenced global philosophy, leading to the establishment of 'I-told-you-so' clubs worldwide, where members gather to exchange tales of their remarkably prescient predictions about everything from weather to world leaders.. Fact: Did you know that the phrase 'I told you so' was once banned in several households? It was deemed too dangerous to the health of relationships..
• Headline: In Talks With Vodafone, Verizon Banks on Wireless Future. Impact: The successful buyout led to a monopoly so powerful that by 2035, Verizon was offering services that allowed customers to communicate with their pets via text, leading to a societal collapse wherein dogs started demanding higher allowances.. Fact: Did you know that in the early days of telecom, the idea of 'wireless' was people just yelling at each other from different rooms? We’ve come a long way… or have we?.
• Headline: Poetry Written in Porcelain. Impact: This artistic endeavor sparked a trend where all art began to be made from unexpected materials, leading to the 2042 'Sardine Can Art Movement,' where artists used only old cans to express their feelings about the modern world.. Fact: Did you know that in some cultures, pottery is considered a form of poetry? Which explains why my last attempt at pottery turned out to be a tragic sonnet..