AUGUST 3, 2013

Full News Archive

• Headline: Hybrid Cars Surpass Electric Vehicle Sales. Impact: The rise of hybrids led to a secret society of eco-warriors who, believing they were saving the planet, inadvertently caused an underground market for battery theft and shady car modifications. Who knew saving the planet would create a mini-automotive crime wave?. Fact: Hybrids were originally thought to be a temporary solution until we could figure out how to drive on air. Spoiler alert: we're still working on that..
• Headline: Impact of U.S. Spending Cuts on Jobs. Impact: The cuts caused a domino effect that led to an increase in the 'professional couch potato' population, which ultimately inspired a new reality TV show that changed the landscape of entertainment forever. Thanks, budget cuts!. Fact: In a shocking twist of fate, furloughed workers turned to artisanal cheese-making as a side hustle, leading to a cheese renaissance. Who knew unemployment could be so gouda?.
• Headline: U.S. Issues Global Travel Alert Amid Qaeda Threats. Impact: The terror warning resulted in a massive uptick in travel insurance sales, making it a boom industry. However, it also led to a bizarre trend of people travelling to the most 'dangerous' places just to post their escapades on social media, proving once again that social validation trumps common sense.. Fact: The phrase 'travel alert' was initially a marketing ploy by travel agencies to encourage people to get out more. Talk about a plot twist!.
• Headline: Rodriguez Plays, but Return May Be Brief. Impact: A-Rod's brief appearance sparked a resurgence of interest in baseball cards, leading to a bizarre internet auction where cards featuring his image sold for millions—because nothing says 'collectible' like a controversial player.. Fact: Alex Rodriguez once claimed he could hit a home run off a T-Rex. Spoiler: no one was around to verify that, but it definitely added to his legend..