JULY 17, 2013

Full News Archive

• Headline: Cockpit Security Advocacy Post 9/11. Impact: Ellen Saracini's quest for cockpit security prompted a global overhaul of airline safety protocols. As a result, future generations of pilots are now required to memorize an emergency mantra: 'The door is a portal, not a suggestion.'. Fact: Cockpit doors were already fortified, but apparently, they were about as effective as a screen door on a submarine. Thanks, Ellen, for keeping our flights a tad more secure!.
• Headline: Silda Wall Spitzer Remains Out of the Spotlight. Impact: Silda Wall Spitzer's choice to stay offstage sparked a trend among political spouses. Now, every time a politician steps into the limelight, their partner is likely hiding in a bunker somewhere, clutching a bottle of wine.. Fact: Staying out of the spotlight is a strategic move; after all, who wants to be associated with a politician when you can binge-watch Netflix in peace?.
• Headline: Batteries Revolutionizing Power Storage Solutions. Impact: The push for large-scale batteries kickstarted the energy revolution, leading to a future where we hoard energy like squirrels hoard nuts. In 2050, people will be arguing over the best energy storage techniques at family gatherings.. Fact: Batteries have become so advanced that we might soon need a PhD just to charge our phones. Who knew saving power could be such a brain teaser?.
• Headline: Vote Ushers In New Era in Oversight of Lending Practices. Impact: Richard Cordray's confirmation marked the beginning of a consumer protection era that would eventually lead to the establishment of 'Financial Therapy'—because why not add a couch to the banking experience?. Fact: Consumer Financial Protection Bureau sounds like a fancy name for a group of people who just really, really hate fine print..
• Headline: Judges of a Graceful Sport, Caught in a Clumsy Cheating Scandal. Impact: The rhythmic gymnastics judging scandal opened the floodgates for future sports controversies, leading to a world where no judge's decision is safe from a YouTube conspiracy theory video.. Fact: Who knew that judging a sport involving ribbons and leotards could lead to a scandal that rivals the latest political drama? Welcome to the Olympics, where even the judges can't escape the drama!.