JULY 4, 2013

Full News Archive

• Headline: The Challenge of Singing the Anthem. Impact: If only someone had sung the National Anthem off-key, perhaps the entire history of baseball would have been replaced by a less melodious sport—like competitive knitting. Just imagine the knitted jerseys!. Fact: The Star-Spangled Banner wasn’t even the national anthem until 1931. Before that, people were just singing whatever they felt like—probably ‘Sweet Caroline’ over and over..
• Headline: Tech Lobby Shifts Focus to Immigration Reform. Impact: This rebranding effort might have inadvertently led to the rise of a tech-savvy superhero who fights for immigration rights... or at least a really snazzy ad campaign featuring cats and puppies.. Fact: Fwd.us was founded by tech giants, but it’s not actually a tech company; it’s more like a really confused advocacy group trying to figure out what it wants to be when it grows up..
• Headline: Ambassador Patterson and Egyptian Politics. Impact: The increased mistrust of U.S. ambassadors could have inspired a whole new genre of political thrillers where diplomats are actually secret agents, which would have totally changed the trajectory of Hollywood.. Fact: Anne W. Patterson is one of the few diplomats whose name sounds like a character straight out of a spy novel, proving that truth is often stranger than fiction..
• Headline: Markets Wait for a Twitch Either Way in Jobs Data. Impact: The anticipation around jobs data could lead to a time where people start making career decisions based on the day’s weather instead—'Oh, it’s sunny? I guess I’ll become a professional sunbather!'. Fact: The job market is so unpredictable that it makes weather forecasting look like child’s play. At least in weather, you can always blame it on El Niño..
• Headline: Health Law Delay Puts Exchanges in Spotlight. Impact: Delaying health law requirements may have led to a massive increase in people binge-watching medical dramas, thinking they could diagnose themselves—Spoiler: They can’t.. Fact: Health law complexities are so mind-boggling that even Einstein would probably just throw his hands up and become a yoga instructor instead..