JUNE 15, 2013

Full News Archive

• Headline: Obama's Controversial Arms Decision on Syria. Impact: Had Obama not decided to send arms to the rebels, we might have ended up with a very different Middle East landscape. Maybe Syria would have turned into a giant theme park instead. Imagine the roller coasters named 'The Civil War Coaster' and 'Rebel Rides.'. Fact: Fun fact: Bill Clinton apparently moonlights as a political life coach. Who knew the saxophone guy would be giving advice on conflict zones?.
• Headline: Judge Korman's Ruling on Morning-After Pill. Impact: Judge Korman's reprimand of the F.D.A. could have led to a butterfly effect where morning-after pills became the hottest new accessory in shops, sparking a trend where contraceptives were the must-have item of the decade.. Fact: Compassionate conservatives are like unicorns—everyone talks about them, but no one seems to have seen one in the wild..
• Headline: Two Players Shine at U.S. Open. Impact: The high pressure of a few under-par players led to a surge in golf fans believing they could also swing like pros. Fast forward, we have countless basement golfers secretly thinking they could be the next Tiger Woods.. Fact: Only two players under par? Sounds like my last family dinner—everyone else was just overcooked..
• Headline: U.S. Open’s Latest Fashion: Boots. Impact: The mud-boot trend at the U.S. Open may have triggered a new fashion revolution. Soon, we might see runway models strutting in mud boots, redefining haute couture as 'haute muck.'. Fact: What’s next? Golfers wearing raincoats and galoshes? Fashion week is gonna need a serious upgrade!.
• Headline: Mets Favor Wright, but All-Star Voting Does Not. Impact: David Wright's voting struggle could have led to a secret conspiracy among baseball players to form an elite 'All-Star' club where popular vote meant nothing—just raw talent and questionable hairstyles.. Fact: The National League voting is like a high school popularity contest, except with more statistics and fewer awkward prom photos..