JUNE 8, 2013

Full News Archive

• Headline: The Great Cicada Invasion of 2021. Impact: If those cicadas hadn’t invaded, who knows? Maybe a couple of homeowners would have started a new trend in lawn decor, leading to a suburban renaissance of garden gnomes and flamingos. Thanks, cicadas, for ruining home aesthetics for generations!. Fact: Did you know cicadas spend 17 years underground? Just enough time to develop a personality that annoys everyone above ground..
• Headline: Obama on Data Mining for National Security. Impact: This push for data mining led to a future where your toaster knows more about your breakfast habits than you do. Thanks, Obama, for the start of the surveillance state—we never knew we needed a smart fridge to judge our snack choices.. Fact: Fun fact: The phrase 'modest encroachments on privacy' has since been replaced with 'surveillance is the new normal.'.
• Headline: Job Growth Competition Among Nations. Impact: The U.S. falling behind in job growth sparked a mad dash for international job fairs. If it weren’t for this headline, we might not have seen the rise of the 'Remote Worker’—a species known for their pajama pants and questionable work-life balance.. Fact: Did you know that in 2009, the U.S. was still clinging to its ‘world’s greatest economy’ title? It’s like being the best at a game no one wants to play anymore..
• Headline: After the Final Curtain, Act II. Impact: This initiative to preserve live theater may have unintentionally led to a future where everyone thinks they can be the next Broadway star. Thanks to the Archive, countless shower singers now believe they’re just one audition away from fame.. Fact: Did you know that every time a live performance is recorded, an actor gets their wings? Just kidding, they get royalties… eventually..
• Headline: Want to Play at a Different College? O.K., but Not There or There. Impact: The complexities of transfer rules in college sports led to a future where student-athletes became data points in a corporate strategy. Who knew that playing ball would come with a side of corporate politics? Welcome to the matrix, athletes!. Fact: Fun fact: The only thing more complicated than college transfer rules is understanding the offside rule in soccer—good luck with that!.