MAY 27, 2013

Full News Archive

• Headline: Concert Industry Tackles Ticket-Buying Bots. Impact: Thanks to these ticket-siphoning bots, millions of fans have turned to DIY concerts in their living rooms where the only tickets sold are for overpriced snacks. Little did we know, this would lead to a boom in home entertainment tech and the rise of the famed 'Couch Potato Music Festival.'. Fact: Did you know that if you feed a bot enough concert tickets, it will eventually form a band? Unfortunately, they only play 'Error 404' on repeat..
• Headline: Tech Titans: Cloud Rivalry Unpacked. Impact: The tech rivalry has set off a chain reaction leading to every company now having a 'feud' to market their products. Next thing you know, your toaster will be at war with the microwave over who makes breakfast faster.. Fact: Fun fact: the only thing more reliable than tech companies feuding is their ability to sell you the same product with a slightly different name every year..
• Headline: I.R.S. Scrutiny of Nonprofits Climbs. Impact: This scrutiny led to a future where every nonprofit organization suddenly decided it was a political campaign, resulting in the creation of the 'Nonprofit Olympics' where groups compete for who can avoid taxes the best.. Fact: Did you know that the I.R.S. was once a contestant on a reality show called 'Survivor: Tax Edition'? They didn't win, but they did successfully eliminate all competition..
• Headline: Partisan Gridlock Thwarts Effort to Alter Health Law. Impact: The continued gridlock not only ensured that health laws remained untouched, but sparked a rise in underground healthcare systems where people barter for treatments with baked goods. This eventually led to the invention of the 'Health Law Cookie Exchange.'. Fact: Did you know that 'bipartisan' is just a fancy way of saying 'let's all agree to do absolutely nothing'?.
• Headline: Who Owns This Land? In Greece, Who Knows?. Impact: The lack of a national land registry resulted in generations of Greeks playing a never-ending game of 'musical chairs' with properties, ultimately leading to a thriving black market for imaginary land deeds.. Fact: Fun fact: the only thing more confusing than land ownership in Greece is trying to find a parking spot in Athens. Good luck!.