MAY 17, 2013

Full News Archive

• Headline: Syria's Fragmentation Amidst War Chaos. Impact: The fragmentation of Syria led to the rise of the 'Pizza Delivery' model of politics, where you could order a slice of governance from any faction willing to deliver. Who knew chaos could be so convenient?. Fact: Did you know that the term 'fief' originates from the Middle Ages, when people were just as confused about land ownership and loyalty? Some things never change..
• Headline: Fred Eckert's Inspiring Comeback Journey. Impact: Fred Eckert's fall from grace inspired a new motivational speech titled 'How to Fail Spectacularly and Still Get Invited to Parties.' It became a bestseller in self-help circles.. Fact: Did you know that coma patients sometimes wake up with more wisdom than those who never fell asleep? Maybe Fred came back with investment tips from the afterlife!.
• Headline: Russia's Advanced Missiles to Syria. Impact: The supply of advanced missiles not only escalated the conflict but also sparked a new trend in military fashion: 'Missile Chic,' where everyone was suddenly wearing missile-themed accessories. Who needs a handbag when you can carry a cruise missile?. Fact: Did you know that antiship missiles can travel over 100 miles? That’s almost as far as some relationships go before they hit the rocks..
• Headline: G.O.P., Energized, Weighs How Far to Take Inquiries. Impact: This inquiry dance-off set the stage for future political debates where the only winners are the popcorn vendors. Turns out, nothing energizes a party like a little drama!. Fact: Did you know that the phrase 'How far can we go?' is often a precursor to disaster in politics? It’s like asking a toddler how far they can run with a cookie..
• Headline: Love Away From the Battlefield. Impact: The production of 'Natasha, Pierre and the Great Comet of 1812' reignited the age-old debate about whether love can truly flourish in chaos—or whether it’s just a great excuse to wear elaborate costumes.. Fact: Did you know that the original 'Great Comet of 1812' was actually a celestial event, not a musical? But hey, who doesn’t love a good dramatic interpretation of an explosion?.