MAY 8, 2013

Full News Archive

• Headline: Dimon's Leadership at Stake. Impact: If this tiny firm had decided to let Dimon keep his dual role, a secret society of corporate chairmen would have popped up, leading to an underground poker league that rewrote financial ethics—because why not gamble with other people's money?. Fact: In the world of finance, the fate of a CEO can often be determined by a single email—talk about high stakes!.
• Headline: Illuminating Nature: Genetically Engineered Trees. Impact: If these glowing trees had taken off, we might have seen a world where outdoor nightlife was lit by bioluminescent foliage, leading to an exaggerated fear of tree-hugging hipsters claiming they were nature's original LED lights.. Fact: The idea of glowing plants is so popular that if they ever become mainstream, we'll have to start worrying about nocturnal squirrels with flashlights!.
• Headline: Sales and Criticism of Windows 8. Impact: When Windows 8 came out, it inadvertently initiated a global trend of people throwing their laptops out of windows, which eventually led to the rise of the 'Throw It Out the Window' therapy movement. Who knew tech could be so therapeutic?. Fact: Half of the complaints about Windows 8 probably came from people who still couldn't figure out how to use the start menu—welcome to the 21st century!.
• Headline: U.S. Weighs Wide Overhaul of Wiretap Laws. Impact: This wiretap law overhaul set off a chain reaction, causing tech companies to invent increasingly absurd ways to communicate—like sending messages via carrier pigeons trained in Morse code. I mean, who needs privacy when you have feathered friends?. Fact: In the future, people will look back and laugh at the notion of privacy as they communicate through telepathic networks while wearing tinfoil hats!.
• Headline: In the Scrim of Memory, Reality Itself. Impact: This mind-bending play may have caused a ripple effect in theater that led to an entire genre of performances where actors simply sit in silence while the audience sifts through their own memories—talk about participation!. Fact: Sometimes, the most profound art is just a reminder that we all have too much baggage from the past—thanks, Richard Foreman!.