APRIL 26, 2013

Full News Archive

• Headline: Southern Europe’s Recession Risk to North. Impact: If Southern Europe's recession had been a person, it would have been that friend who borrows money but never pays it back, causing a chain reaction of financial embarrassment across the continent - leading to a European-wide 'no one talks to Southern Europe' policy by 2050.. Fact: Did you know that the last time Europe faced a massive recession, people in the North started wearing their socks with sandals as a fashion statement? Just kidding, that was just the 90s..
• Headline: Relief Payments for Minority Farmers' Claims. Impact: The 'spigot' opening initiated a massive drain of funds, which led to farmers developing a new sport called 'Claim Jumping,' where they raced to file grievances faster than their neighbors.. Fact: The phrase 'open the spigot' is actually derived from farmers who realized that funding can be more lucrative than farming itself. Who knew?.
• Headline: The Old Razzle-Dazzle, Fit for a Prince. Impact: This Broadway revival set off a nationwide trend of theatrical productions with circus themes, leading to a bizarre era where Shakespearean tragedies featured tightrope walkers and juggling asides.. Fact: The term 'razzle-dazzle' was originally used to describe the confusion caused by actors trying to remember their lines while also performing acrobatics. Who needs coherence anyway?.