APRIL 14, 2013

Full News Archive

• Headline: Tiger Woods' Controversial Masters Incident. Impact: After Tiger Woods’ texted ball drop, the world of golf became a texting frenzy. Now, every time a player swings, their phones buzz with spectator feedback – leading to a new line of golf clubs that come with built-in texting capabilities. Who knew the next major tournament would be sponsored by 'Golf Chat'?. Fact: Did you know that the biggest scandal in golf history wasn't about cheating? It was actually about someone forgetting to mute their phone during a swing. How embarrassing!.
• Headline: Concerns Over Animal Safety in Filmmaking. Impact: The death of a shark on set sparked outrage and led to a massive overhaul of animal rights laws in Hollywood. This prompted film studios to hire animal whisperers, who now ensure that all creatures, big and small, are treated like royalty – leading to the first-ever ‘Best Supporting Animal’ Oscar!. Fact: Fun fact: Kmart commercials were once so boring that they literally needed a shark to spice things up. Ironically, the shark had a better career than most actors who worked on that set..
• Headline: Rebuilding Little Italy's Heart and Heritage. Impact: The Italian American Museum's selling of its building set off a domino effect of redevelopment in Little Italy. Soon, every neighborhood began selling its cultural landmarks to the highest bidder, leading to a world where history is just another item on eBay. Welcome to the future of urban nostalgia!. Fact: Did you know that the original purpose of museums was to preserve culture? Now they’re just the first stop on the 'How to Gentrify Your Neighborhood' tour..
• Headline: Booksellers Hoping for Pulitzer in Fiction. Impact: The pressure for a Pulitzer in Fiction led to a surge in literary works that were so mediocre they created a new genre called 'Pulitzer Bait' where writers purposely write bland stories just to get nominated. The bookshelves are now filled with titles like 'The Unremarkable Life of a Slightly Above-Average Man'.. Fact: Did you know that the Pulitzer Prize for Fiction was actually created because someone got tired of hearing about the same five novels? Spoiler alert: They didn’t change much..
• Headline: Flaunting the Spirit of Support for the Arts. Impact: Linz's bid for cultural prominence turned the city into a hotspot for opera-loving tourists. Unfortunately, the influx of tourists led to a shortage of pretentious scarves and overpriced coffee, resulting in a minor cultural crisis that left locals clamoring for a return to normalcy.. Fact: Fun fact: The opera house in Linz is so fancy that the seats come equipped with their own personal critics. Just kidding, but wouldn’t that be fun?.