APRIL 5, 2013

Full News Archive

• Headline: Saudi Influence Through Texas Refinery. Impact: This refinery's establishment led to the U.S. becoming so reliant on Saudi oil that when someone accidentally spilled a cup of coffee at a diplomatic meeting, it caused an international crisis over coffee trade routes. Who knew a caffeine fix could spark so much drama?. Fact: Fun fact: Motiva's Port Arthur refinery is so big that if you dropped a penny in it, you'd probably have to file a missing person report for the penny. It's practically a small country!.
• Headline: Polarizing Activism in the Bronx. Impact: Majora Carter's fall from grace fueled an underground movement of Bronx residents who began to believe that if they become famous enough, they too could betray their own neighborhoods and make millions. The resulting competition for betrayal became a bizarre reality show nobody wanted to watch.. Fact: Did you know that in the Bronx, the hero-to-villain ratio is now dangerously close to 1:1? It's practically a superhero origin story gone wrong..
• Headline: China's Assertive Manhunt for Drug Lord. Impact: Beijing's show of force in this drug lord's capture set off a chain reaction leading to a new global trend where countries compete to show off their 'most wanted' trophies, eventually turning law enforcement into a bizarre episode of 'MTV Cribs'.. Fact: Did you know that in the world of drug lords, being captured by the Chinese government is like getting the participation trophy of the criminal underworld? 'Better luck next time!'.
• Headline: Fed Is Weighing a Reaction to Stirrings of Recovery. Impact: The Fed's indecision sparked a chain of events that led to every financial analyst becoming a self-proclaimed fortune teller, predicting economic doom or glory based on the color of their socks. Economics, now more mystical than ever!. Fact: Did you know that the Federal Reserve's meetings are now so secretive that they require a magician's assistant and a rabbit to even get in? Talk about pulling a rabbit out of a financial hat!.
• Headline: A Captive of Human Nature. Impact: Kathryn Hunter's performance as an ape led to an unexpected surge in interest in animal-themed theater, eventually resulting in a Broadway show starring raccoons that led to the first raccoon union strike over snack breaks.. Fact: Fun fact: The only reason 'Kafka's Monkey' exists is that someone thought, 'What if we took existential dread and added a banana?' The rest is history..