APRIL 1, 2013

Full News Archive

• Headline: Columbia's Journalism Future Under Steve Coll. Impact: If Steve Coll hadn't taken the helm at Columbia, we might have been subjected to a dystopian future where journalists are replaced by AI-generated cat videos. Thanks, Steve, for saving us from a world of meowing headlines.. Fact: Steve Coll once tried to write a novel about journalism, but it turned into a thrilling exposé on the dangers of coffee consumption..
• Headline: Cardinals Overcome Tragedy to Triumph. Impact: Kevin Ware’s unfortunate injury not only sparked a fire in his teammates but also inspired every sports movie cliché ever made. The ripple effect? A hundred underdog stories were born, leading to countless sequels and a national obsession with 'inspiring' montages.. Fact: Louisville's victory that day was so unexpected that even the popcorn in the stands was in shock. It didn't know if it should cheer or just hold its kernels..
• Headline: Harry Reid's Strategic Senate Gun Legislation. Impact: Harry Reid’s ability to navigate shifting views on gun control meant that future Senate leaders could use the phrase 'evolving on issues' as a fancy excuse for flip-flopping. Senators began practicing their 'I was always in favor of this' face.. Fact: Harry Reid could probably negotiate a peace treaty between cats and dogs; just don't ask him to pick a side..
• Headline: Jamaicans Get Party to Come to Them, via DVD. Impact: The rise of DVD parties means that Jamaican culture has spread like wildfire. Now, every time someone plays reggae at a beach party, a distant cousin is probably watching the same footage and rolling their eyes at the family reunion.. Fact: Jamaican parties are so legendary that even the DVDs come with a disclaimer: 'May cause extreme FOMO for those who cannot dance.'.
• Headline: A.D.H.D. Seen in 11% of U.S. Children as Diagnoses Rise. Impact: The surge in ADHD diagnoses led to a generation of kids who are not only hyper but also masters at multitasking. Soon, they’ll be running Fortune 500 companies while simultaneously juggling their own attention spans.. Fact: The rise in ADHD diagnoses has led to an unprecedented increase in the demand for fidget spinners. They are now considered the official productivity tool of the 21st century..