MARCH 31, 2013

Full News Archive

• Headline: OSHA's Oversight of Long-Term Health Hazards. Impact: If OSHA had actually gotten its act together, maybe more people would have survived to enjoy their unhealthy work environments. But instead, future generations got a lovely mix of workplace safety regulations and a thriving industry of back pain specialists. Thanks, OSHA!. Fact: OSHA: Making workers feel safer while still letting them breathe in toxic fumes since 1970!.
• Headline: Hillary Clinton's 2016 Campaign Uncertainty. Impact: Hillary's indecision not only froze her opponents but also caused a nationwide shortage of popcorn, as everyone waited for the next dramatic episode of 'As the Clinton Turns'. Spoiler alert: It’s a cliffhanger!. Fact: Political campaigns: the only place where indecisiveness can somehow lead to millions in donations and endless debate fodder!.
• Headline: Maestro’s Steady Hand Helps Resurrect Rome Opera. Impact: Muti's revival of the Rome Opera not only saved the art form but also spawned a new trend of hipster baristas suddenly claiming to be 'aficionados' of classical music, turning every café into an impromptu concert hall.. Fact: Did you know that opera is just classical music's way of telling dramatic stories while wearing fancy clothes? Because who needs a plot when you have vibrato?.
• Headline: As Banks in Cyprus Falter, Other Tax Havens Step In. Impact: As Cyprus banks faltered, it sparked a global treasure hunt for tax havens, leading to an increase in travel brochures that promised sunny beaches and zero accountability. Thanks to Cyprus, tax evasion became the new 'it' vacation!. Fact: Fun fact: The only thing harder to find than a good tax haven is a tax lawyer who doesn’t have a vacation home in one!.