MARCH 28, 2013

Full News Archive

• Headline: Internet Denial-of-Service Attack Explained. Impact: This denial-of-service attack, like a toddler throwing a tantrum, ended up showing the world how fragile the internet is. This incident inspired countless conspiracy theories about government control, leading to a new wave of 'internet preparedness' kits that include tinfoil hats and landlines. Fact: Fun fact: The internet is like a teenager—full of potential but often just throws a fit when things go wrong.
• Headline: Political Success Challenges Gay Rights Progress. Impact: This moment marked a pivotal backslide in gay rights, as political successes became a double-edged sword. It inspired a new genre of political debates where the phrase 'democratic process' became synonymous with 'let's just wait and hope for the best'—thanks for nothing!. Fact: Ironically, the Supreme Court justices were probably discussing their weekend plans instead of considering the implications of their decisions on human rights.
• Headline: With Vouchers, States Shift Aid for Schools to Families. Impact: The shift to school vouchers created a delightful chaos where families suddenly became amateur education experts. This led to a boom in 'DIY schooling' blogs, resulting in a generation that may believe they can teach calculus using only macaroni and cheese. Fact: Vouchers: because why should education be equitable when you can just let parents play Monopoly with taxpayer money?.
• Headline: For Mayoral Hopeful Who Lost Fight to Remove Art, No Regrets. Impact: The loss of this mayoral hopeful to remove the art not only solidified a cultural dialogue on free speech but also inspired a new wave of art that was even more provocative—because nothing says 'no regrets' like cranking up the controversy dial to eleven. Fact: Lhota's efforts to remove art were so effective that they inspired a new genre of art called 'Let’s Just Make Everyone Angry.'.