MARCH 25, 2013

Full News Archive

• Headline: Newtown Aid Unspent: Lessons from Tragedy. Impact: Had the aid been distributed effectively, perhaps Newtown would have become a beacon of resilience, inspiring future towns to handle tragedies with grace. Instead, it served as a case study for future bureaucracies on how to let money rot while people wait for help. Thanks, red tape!. Fact: Did you know that the phrase 'money can’t buy happiness' is often heard in this context? Clearly, it can’t buy efficiency either..
• Headline: Jayhawks Triumph Over Roy Williams' Team. Impact: With Kansas advancing, they didn't just secure a spot in the Round of 16; they also sparked an endless debate on whether North Carolina's basketball program is secretly run by time travelers who can't win when it matters. Spoiler: they can't.. Fact: Did you know that Roy Williams once coached Kansas? Talk about a plot twist that even Hollywood would reject!.
• Headline: E.U. Officials Agree to a Deal Rescuing Cyprus. Impact: This deal may have temporarily saved Cyprus from financial ruin, but it also set the stage for future EU meetings where officials would spend more time arguing over pastries than actual solutions. Who knew economics could be so deliciously convoluted?. Fact: Did you know that the EU officials probably celebrated this deal with a feast worthy of Roman emperors? Because nothing says 'we care' like a lavish banquet while the populace holds its breath!.
• Headline: 2 Rivals Complicate Deal for Dell. Impact: The rivalry between Blackstone and Icahn for Dell sparked a massive corporate drama that would go on to inspire countless boardroom thrillers and reality TV shows—who knew tech could be so juicy?. Fact: Did you know that 'Dell' was once a computer brand? Now it's just a word associated with two billionaires throwing money at each other like kids in a candy store..