MARCH 24, 2013

Full News Archive

• Headline: Survival in Syrian Cave Shelters. Impact: If only those caves could talk! They might reveal how ancient civilizations played hide-and-seek with disaster, only to have their secrets resurface in modern times, inspiring a new wave of architects to build 'survival bunkers'—because who doesn't want a stylishly decorated cave in their backyard?. Fact: Caves have been man's go-to hideout since prehistoric times. At this rate, we should just start calling them the original 'man caves'..
• Headline: Roe v. Wade and the Future of Gay Marriage. Impact: The ripples from Roe v. Wade have become a tsunami, crashing into every corner of the Supreme Court's decisions. Who knew that a case about reproductive rights would turn into a cautionary tale for love? Next up, a ruling on whether to require couples to submit their relationship status to the court for approval.. Fact: Roe v. Wade has been referenced in more court cases than your average celebrity's Instagram post—talk about a legacy!.
• Headline: Solitary Confinement of Immigrants Revealed. Impact: The solitary confinement of immigrants is like a bad plot twist in a dystopian novel that somehow became real. The psychological scars will ripple into families, communities, and even the next generation’s understanding of freedom. Who knew that America’s new pastime could be isolation?. Fact: Solitary confinement is often called the 'cruelest punishment.' But hey, at least it comes with a side of bureaucracy, right?.
• Headline: For Surprise No. 1, It’s Two Games and Out. Impact: Gonzaga's descent from No. 1 to the basement of the tournament highlights the age-old truth that even the best plans can unravel spectacularly. This monumental upset might just inspire future teams to embrace the philosophy of mediocrity—'Why aim for greatness when you can aim for a surprise exit?'. Fact: Gonzaga's basketball team went from Cinderella to pumpkin faster than you can say 'March Madness'. Spoiler alert: The fairy godmother didn't show up..
• Headline: Marquette Rallies Again to Survive Butler. Impact: Marquette's nail-biting victory is a reminder that sports are basically soap operas with better uniforms. The drama and suspense will inspire future players to take the phrase 'playing to the last second' to a whole new level—because who doesn't love a cliffhanger?. Fact: Basketball games have been known to last longer than some relationships. But at least the ball makes it to the hoop more often than people make it to the altar!.