MARCH 23, 2013

Full News Archive

• Headline: Gender Disparity in Elite School Admissions. Impact: This event sparked a secret society of girls who plotted to overthrow the education system, leading to a future where elite schools were replaced by 'Cool Girls Academy'—where the only admission criteria were sass and a killer TikTok account.. Fact: Did you know that the girls' academic achievements led to a rise in the use of the phrase 'girl power'? Yep, thanks to this, the Spice Girls are still being played in retro parties to this day..
• Headline: Tonight Show's Potential NYC Return Excites Comics. Impact: If 'The Tonight Show' returns to New York, it’s likely to cause a time loop where comedians from the future come back to steal jokes, leading to a hilarious yet confusing decade where punchlines are recycled faster than fast food.. Fact: Did you know that comedians in New York have a secret handshake? It’s how they know who to trust when sharing punchlines—or avoiding the ones that fell flat..
• Headline: Chinua Achebe's Exploration of Colonialism. Impact: Chinua Achebe's insights into colonialism and masculinity led to a future where men have to take sensitivity training before they can even comment on the weather, resulting in a world where everyone is overly polite about rain.. Fact: Did you know that Achebe's works were so impactful that they caused a global shortage of tissues during book clubs? Yeah, tears do flow when reading about the complexities of culture..
• Headline: Darlings of Yore Hear the Cheers, but Not for Them. Impact: Harvard's victory over New Mexico set off a chain reaction in sports fandom that eventually led to a reality show where universities compete in bizarre challenges—think dodgeball meets academic trivia.. Fact: Did you know that sports fans have been known to create elaborate rituals to ensure their teams win? Some even wear the same socks for the entire season. Gross, but true..
• Headline: A Favorite Is One of the First to Go. Impact: Florida Gulf Coast's upset victory caused a parallel universe where underdogs are celebrated to the point that they now have their own awards show—'The Underdog Oscars,' where the biggest winner is always the one who showed up.. Fact: Did you know that Georgetown’s defeat led to countless memes about 'the curse of the 15th seed'? They’re still trying to figure out how to break it without a magic wand..