MARCH 16, 2013

Full News Archive

• Headline: Crisis at San Francisco Fine Arts Museums. Impact: The chaos at the Fine Arts Museums led to a mysterious surge in demand for performance art, culminating in a global trend of interpretive interpretive dance as a form of boardroom critique.. Fact: Did you know that if you stare at modern art long enough, it starts to look like your bank statement?.
• Headline: Senate Hearing Exposes JPMorgan's Misleading Practices. Impact: This hearing sparked a secret society of disgruntled investors who vowed to take down Wall Street, eventually leading to the invention of the coffee-fueled protest sign. Starbucks stocks soared.. Fact: Fun fact: JPMorgan loses more money than I lose my keys on a Monday morning. At least they have an excuse!.
• Headline: Road Runners Facing More Difficulty 4 Months After Marathon Uproar. Impact: The fallout from the marathon uproar led to a nationwide trend of people deciding that running was overrated, which in turn sparked a boom in donut shops and couch potato competitions.. Fact: Did you know that running a marathon burns approximately 2,600 calories? But you can also burn 2,600 calories by sitting on your couch and contemplating the universe… with snacks..
• Headline: Boom Over, St. Patrick’s Isle Is Slithering Again. Impact: The abandonment of snakes triggered a bizarre rise in the population of both snakes and cat videos on the internet, leading to a world where cat-vs-snake videos became a cultural phenomenon.. Fact: Apparently, snakes were all the rage in Ireland during the Celtic Tiger boom. Who knew reptiles could be trendsetters?.