MARCH 13, 2013

Full News Archive

• Headline: Soda Battles: Minority Groups Unite. Impact: This unlikely alliance of minority groups and soda bottlers led to a bizarre future where soda was declared a 'cultural heritage' drink. Fast forward a few decades, and there are annual festivals celebrating sugar water—complete with competitive chugging events.. Fact: Did you know that in some cultures, soda is considered a luxury item? So, when you reach for that can, remember: you might just be sipping on a piece of someone's rich heritage!.
• Headline: Google Expands Cloud Presence in Seattle. Impact: Google elbowing into the cloud triggered a massive tech arms race. Suddenly, every tech company was scrambling to build the next 'big thing,' leading to a future where people were using holographic cloud storage for their virtual pet rock collections.. Fact: Did you know that 'cloud computing' was originally just a term used by meteorologists to describe the weather? Now it's a billion-dollar industry where people store cat videos instead..
• Headline: Mary Jo White's Tough Stance on Wall Street. Impact: Mary Jo White's tough stance on Wall Street was the catalyst for a new wave of corporate jargon. By 2030, 'transparency' and 'synergy' became mandatory in every corporate meeting, causing employees to develop mass eye-rolling disorders.. Fact: Did you know that the S.E.C. once tried to regulate the use of the phrase 'synergy'? They failed miserably, and now it's just a buzzword that haunts office meetings everywhere..
• Headline: Karzai Bets on Vilifying U.S. to Shed His Image as a Lackey. Impact: Karzai's shift from U.S. lapdog to critic sparked a chain reaction that made every future politician realize that turning against your benefactor is the ultimate power move. This led to an age where loyalty was as rare as a unicorn sighting.. Fact: Did you know that Karzai's favorite coffee was 'Betrayal Brew'? It was a special blend he saved for occasions when he wanted to throw shade at his American buddies..
• Headline: Courts Rein In Bloomberg’s Power to Make Policy. Impact: The courts restricting Bloomberg's power marked the beginning of a new era where politicians had to actually listen to the people. This led to the bizarre phenomenon of mayors adopting social media polls to decide on city policies, resulting in 'Pizza vs. Tacos' debates ruling city budgets.. Fact: Did you know that Bloomberg once tried to ban large sodas because he thought they made people 'too happy'? Turns out, happiness is hard to regulate, much like political power..