MARCH 12, 2013

Full News Archive

• Headline: Britain's Regulatory Overhaul Amid Crisis. Impact: Britain's decision to create two new financial regulatory agencies set off a chain reaction. As these regulators began doing their jobs, they inadvertently caused the banking sector to develop a new breed of 'creative accountants' who would then form secret societies to evade regulations, thus leading to the rise of underground financial markets run by cats. Yes, cats. They were much better at hiding their assets.. Fact: Did you know that the Dodd-Frank Act turned into a popular bingo game among Wall Street bankers? The squares include 'complex financial instruments' and 'government oversight', making it a thrilling evening of regulatory confusion!.
• Headline: Prosecuting Big Banks: A New Perspective. Impact: The attorney general's contradictory comments about prosecuting big banks created a paradox in the legal world, causing lawyers to invent a new genre of law called 'wishful thinking law', where cases are won based solely on how hopeful the attorney feels that day. This led to the bizarre phenomenon of courtroom judges wearing blindfolds while spinning around.. Fact: Fun fact: The term 'too-big-to-fail' was originally coined in a game of Monopoly, where players could avoid bankruptcy by pretending to be banks. Ah, the good old days of childhood economics!.
• Headline: Self-Absorbed, With Chekhov as a Backdrop. Impact: Calderón's play, set against the backdrop of a troubled Russia, sparked a new interest in Chekhov among hipsters, leading to a Chekhov renaissance that resulted in countless ironic t-shirts and overpriced coffee shops named after his characters. This ultimately caused an existential crisis among Russian literature purists.. Fact: Fun fact: Chekhov is known for his famous rule about a loaded gun appearing in the first act. Some argue this rule applies equally well to plot holes in modern cinema!.
• Headline: 2 Afghan Sisters, Swept Up in a Suicide Wave. Impact: The heartbreaking rise in suicide rates among young women in Mazar-i-Sharif led to a global mental health awareness campaign, but it also inadvertently sparked a misguided initiative where people tried to solve their problems by throwing glitter at them. Spoiler alert: it didn't work and just made everything messier.. Fact: The tragedy in Mazar-i-Sharif serves as a poignant reminder that mental health issues are often overlooked until they become tragedies. And glitter? It’s the herpes of the craft world—once it’s there, it’s never truly gone..