MARCH 10, 2013

Full News Archive

• Headline: Vatican Bank's Reform Power Struggle. Impact: The Vatican's banking reforms led to the birth of a new branch of theology: 'Bankology.' This eventually became the foundation for a popular reality TV show where priests compete to see who can best manage a hedge fund.. Fact: Did you know that the Vatican Bank has been known for its secrecy, possibly making it the only bank in the world where the customers are more afraid of their money being exorcised than losing it?.
• Headline: Baby Boomers Shift to Condo Living. Impact: The boomers flocking to retirement condos caused a global shortage of bingo chips, leading to a black market where chips are traded for premium avocado toast in hipster cafes.. Fact: Fun fact: The average age of a retiree in a condo is now just slightly older than the average age of a millennial's first job. Thanks, economic downturn!.
• Headline: Decline in Gun Ownership Over Four Decades. Impact: The decline in gun ownership in homes inadvertently led to a surge in demand for decorative 'Home Sweet Home' signs, thus boosting the economy of the crafting industry.. Fact: Did you know that in the 1970s, owning a gun was almost as common as owning a pet rock? Times have changed, but the debate still rages on like a never-ending family reunion..
• Headline: Stoudemire Needs Operation on What Was His Good Knee. Impact: Stoudemire's knee operation sparked a medical breakthrough where doctors discovered a technique to replace knees with spare parts from IKEA, leading to a rise in DIY surgeries.. Fact: Did you know that Stoudemire's knee could probably tell tales of greater battles than any gladiator? Too bad it couldn't stay in the game long enough to write its memoir..
• Headline: Disruptions: Digital Era Redefining Etiquette. Impact: The digital etiquette revolution led to the invention of the 'Invisible Text' app, allowing users to send messages without ever having to acknowledge their existence—perfect for avoiding awkward conversations.. Fact: Did you know that the average person now takes longer to respond to a text than it takes to listen to an entire voicemail? Clearly, we prefer our conversations to be as brief as our attention spans..