FEBRUARY 4, 2013

Full News Archive

• Headline: Waterloo Expands Beyond BlackBerry Influence. Impact: This decision to expand the university's focus led to an unexpected tech revolution, resulting in a world where students invent a universal remote that can control not just TVs, but the weather—because why not?. Fact: The University of Waterloo is also known for its co-op program, which is just a fancy term for 'let's pay students to work while they figure out what they want to do with their lives.'.
• Headline: Teen Vogue Celebrates a Decade of Survival. Impact: Teen Vogue's survival inspired a future where every magazine has to include a TikTok dance tutorial with their articles, because who reads anymore when you can just shimmy?. Fact: Despite its survival, Teen Vogue's actual 'teen' readership has been replaced by 30-somethings reminiscing about their own teenage angst—it's basically nostalgia in glossy paper..
• Headline: Obama's Cyberstrike Authority Expanded. Impact: Obama's cyberstrikes led to the creation of an elite team of cyber ninjas, who are now responsible for taking down your neighbor's Wi-Fi when they stream too much Netflix.. Fact: The rules for cyberstrikes were so vague that they could have easily included retaliating against anyone who uses Comic Sans in their emails—seriously, it’s a crime against humanity..
• Headline: Film Financier Faces a Critical Juncture. Impact: Thomas Tull's film financing decisions led to an era where every movie is a sequel or a reboot, and the phrase 'original content' becomes the stuff of legends—like Bigfoot.. Fact: Tull's success has inspired more people to try their hand at filmmaking, leading to a future where your neighbor's dog is the star of the next blockbuster..
• Headline: Cuomo Seeking Home Buyouts in Flood Zones. Impact: Cuomo's flood zone buyouts resulted in a nationwide trend of politicians buying up properties, leading to an unexpected rise in underground bunker construction because, you know, 'the end is nigh'.. Fact: The plan to buy and demolish homes is basically a very expensive game of Jenga, but with real houses and real consequences—who knew politics could be so thrilling?.