JANUARY 23, 2013

Full News Archive

• Headline: Microsoft's Potential Investment in Dell. Impact: Had Microsoft not invested in Dell, we might have seen an alternate universe where floppy disks made a comeback, and everyone still used dial-up internet. Thank you, time travelers, for ensuring that never happened!. Fact: Did you know that if you stacked all of Dell's computers ever sold, they'd reach the moon? Just kidding, but they sure filled a lot of basements!.
• Headline: Police Complicity in Rape Cases in India. Impact: This tragic issue has been a catalyst for global movements, making it possible for future generations to advocate for justice. In a way, the fight for survivors' rights might just lead to a future where no one has to endure this nightmare again.. Fact: In a shocking twist of irony, studies have shown that police in many countries are often more adept at finding donuts than justice..
• Headline: Country Music Returns to New York Airwaves. Impact: The return of country radio to NYC likely saved countless hipster baristas from having to listen to 'alternative' country playlists on repeat. This has also led to a surge in cowboy hat sales in Brooklyn.. Fact: Did you know that 'country lifestyle' is just a fancy way of saying 'I own three trucks and a pair of boots'?.
• Headline: Algerian Attack Puts Focus on Worker Security. Impact: This attack sparked a global reevaluation of worker safety, leading to the creation of 'No Place Like Home' safety programs. If only they had a crystal ball to predict the future, maybe they could have avoided the attack altogether.. Fact: Fun fact: After every security breach, energy company executives gather to discuss their favorite movies about heists. Spoiler: none of them involve actual security improvements..
• Headline: Like, Innocence, and, Um, Experience. Impact: This postmodern pop opera could well be the reason we now have a plethora of oddball performances, which may have inspired future artists to create even more bizarre content. Thanks for nothing, Oklahoma!. Fact: Did you know that watching an eight-hour opera is scientifically proven to make you question every life choice you've ever made?.