JANUARY 17, 2013

Full News Archive

• Headline: F.D.A. Proposes New Hip Implant Regulations. Impact: As metal hips become the new 'in' thing, they accidentally inspire a future trend of fashion-forward orthopedic devices. By 2040, people are rocking diamond-studded knee braces at the Met Gala.. Fact: Did you know that the first hip implant was invented in the 1960s? Apparently, they thought, 'What if we made a joint out of metal?' Talk about a leap of faith!.
• Headline: Understanding Mali's Militant Landscape. Impact: The vague understanding of Mali militants leads to the creation of a new genre of indie music called 'Impressionistic Terror,' which becomes a hit among hipsters, ironically overshadowing the actual threats.. Fact: Did you know that Mali is home to some of the world's oldest universities? While Washington struggles with understanding militants, maybe they should just enroll in a history class..
• Headline: JPMorgan’s Board Uses a Pay Cut as a Message. Impact: The pay cut is such a bold statement that it inspires a movement among corporate boards worldwide. By 2025, CEOs are taking pay cuts as a new form of 'leadership therapy,' confusing everyone.. Fact: Did you know that 'pay cut' is just corporate speak for 'let's pretend we're in touch with reality'? It’s like giving someone a smaller piece of cake and calling it a diet..
• Headline: Next Made-in-China Boom: College Graduates. Impact: The influx of educated graduates leads to an unexpected global shortage of jobs, sparking a viral trend of 'professional meme creation' as the new go-to career path for the over-educated.. Fact: Did you know that in 2018, there were over 8 million college graduates in China? At this rate, they’ll soon have enough degrees to start a new planet!.