JANUARY 12, 2013

Full News Archive

• Headline: Singing with the Whiffenpoofs. Impact: This shower crooner's rise to fame inspired a nationwide trend of singing in the shower, leading to accidental drownings and a boom in waterproof speakers. Who knew the world needed a soundtrack for shampooing?. Fact: Did you know that the Whiffenpoofs are so old, they probably sang at the first Thanksgiving? Or were they just too busy perfecting their harmonies to notice the Pilgrims?.
• Headline: Von Miller's Aspirations: Football and Farming. Impact: Von Miller's aspirations to be the best defensive player led to a bizarre chain reaction where NFL players started taking up farming. This resulted in the first-ever NFL Farm League, where tackles were replaced by turnips.. Fact: Fun fact: While dreaming of becoming a chicken farmer, Miller also considered a career in poultry poetry. That's right, folks—'The Rooster's Rhyme' was almost a bestseller..
• Headline: New Jersey Symphony Leadership Crisis. Impact: Richard Dare's resignation revealed the dark underbelly of symphonic politics, leading to a nationwide crackdown on symphony presidents. Every orchestra now screens candidates for both musical talent and questionable pasts—who knew Mozart had such a shady history?. Fact: Did you know that a past criminal case in the symphony world is usually someone accidentally hitting a wrong note? The horror!.
• Headline: When Rangers Roamed the Halls. Impact: The chaos unleashed by the 1983-94 Rangers in suburban hotels created a new genre of reality TV, leading to 'Real Hotel Rangers'—a show that never aired due to too many lawsuits from enraged hotel managers.. Fact: Did you know that those Rangers were actually just looking for the nearest snack bar? Apparently, they were more interested in nachos than rangers' duties..
• Headline: ‘Twelfth Night’ Twit Gets a Turn in the Spotlight. Impact: Tim Crouch's spotlight on Malvolio prompted a resurgence of interest in minor Shakespearean characters, leading to a spin-off reality show called 'The Bard's Understudies'. Spoiler: it was just as tragic as the original plays.. Fact: Fun fact: Malvolio's character was so misunderstood that he started a support group for tragic figures in literature—membership includes Hamlet and the entire cast of 'Romeo and Juliet'..