JANUARY 9, 2013

Full News Archive

• Headline: Revolutionizing Banking with Simple. Impact: The birth of Simple marked the start of a financial revolution, inspiring legions of angry customers to storm banks with pitchforks made of credit card statements, leading to the invention of banking apps with unicorns and rainbows.. Fact: Did you know that before Simple, banks thought 'customer service' was just a fancy term for ignoring you while you waited on hold?.
• Headline: Concerns in Helmand After Peace Efforts. Impact: The hesitation in Helmand could have sparked a peaceful revolution, or at least a really awkward game of musical chairs where no one wants to sit down because they might get shot.. Fact: Did you know that in Afghanistan, the phrase 'trust the government' is often followed by nervous laughter and an explanation of why everyone prefers their own militia?.
• Headline: Bank Hacking Was the Work of Iranians, Officials Say. Impact: This hacking incident led to a tech arms race where everyone started learning to code in their basements, resulting in a generation of hackers who are now either millionaires or living in their parents' basements plotting world domination.. Fact: Did you know that the Iranians probably got their hacking skills from watching too many spy movies? Because nothing says 'cyber warfare' like a good old-fashioned Hollywood plot twist..