DECEMBER 13, 2012

Full News Archive

• Headline: The Rise of Design Art After Boom. Impact: This event sparked a global art renaissance where people began to think that pieces made from recycled materials were actually 'deep' and 'meaningful.' Little did they know, this would lead to an explosion of hipster coffee shops where the art was as pretentious as the lattes.. Fact: Did you know that art can be anything you want it to be? Just slap a price tag on a banana duct-taped to the wall, and voilà, you're an artist!.
• Headline: The Electric Corkscrew Revolution. Impact: The invention of the electric corkscrew led to a never-before-seen increase in wine consumption, which in turn caused a shortage of grapes, prompting a secret society of vintners to start growing grapes in underground bunkers.. Fact: Did you know that opening a wine bottle is a complex problem that has baffled no one since the dawn of civilization? Clearly, we needed a machine to save us from the peril of using our hands..
• Headline: Living Large on St. Marks Place. Impact: Mike Fontana's legendary living situation inspired thousands to seek out tiny apartments that were somehow 'charming' and 'cozy,' forever changing the definition of 'home' to 'a shoebox with a view of a dumpster.'. Fact: Did you know that you can be a prince of your own little kingdom, as long as your kingdom is less than 200 square feet and comes with a roommate who plays the ukulele?.
• Headline: Study Shows a Pattern of Risky Loans by F.H.A.. Impact: The findings of this study caused a collective gasp, leading to a flurry of regulatory changes that ultimately resulted in the creation of a new superhero: 'Captain Compliance,' who fights against the evils of risky loans with a shield made of paperwork.. Fact: Did you know that ignoring risks in loans is a bit like ignoring a fire alarm? It might seem fine for a while, but eventually, someone gets burned..
• Headline: Investors Stay Calm, if Cautious, as Stalemate Simmers. Impact: The stalemate in Washington inspired investors to invent the world's first 'Political Roulette,' where they could place bets on which politician would actually do something productive. Spoiler: they’re still waiting.. Fact: Did you know that 'calm' and 'cautious' are just fancy ways of saying 'we're all just pretending everything is fine while secretly panicking' in the world of investing?.