DECEMBER 2, 2012

Full News Archive

• Headline: Lew's Leadership During Budget Crisis. Impact: If Jacob J. Lew had lost this budget showdown, it could have sent shockwaves through the entire fabric of American bureaucracy, resulting in a future where the government is run by cats—because who wouldn't trust a feline to balance the books?. Fact: Did you know that budget negotiations are just like family dinners? One awkward silence and everyone ends up arguing about the pumpkin pie recipe..
• Headline: Alabama Wins SEC Championship Against Georgia. Impact: Alabama's win not only secured them a title but also triggered an endless cycle of overhyped college football seasons where every year fans claim 'this is THE year'—a phenomenon that continues to baffle sports historians and psychologists alike.. Fact: Fun fact: The only thing more inflated than Alabama's football ego is the price of their merchandise. You could buy a small car with the cost of a jersey..
• Headline: Mix-and-Match Ensemble Erases Borders With Enthusiasm. Impact: This enthusiastic mash-up could have sparked a renaissance of cultural diplomacy, leading to a future where every international conflict is settled with a jam session instead of a summit—now that's a world I’d pay to see.. Fact: Fun fact: The only thing more mixed up than the ensemble was the interpretation of what 'Cuban relations' means—does it include mojitos or just cigars?.
• Headline: Big Boys Lay Out Their Oscar Bait. Impact: The studios' attempts to reclaim Oscar glory initiated a fierce competition that transformed the film industry into a high-stakes poker game where everyone pretends to love indie films while secretly plotting their demise.. Fact: Did you know that the Oscars have more drama behind the scenes than in most of the films nominated? It's like 'Game of Thrones' but with less bloodshed—mostly..