NOVEMBER 11, 2012

Full News Archive

• Headline: Alabama Faces Upset by Texas A&M. Impact: Johnny Manziel’s upset victory over Alabama set off a series of events that led to an explosion in college football fandom, resulting in millions of couch potato fans and an avalanche of nacho cheese consumption across America.. Fact: Did you know that Johnny Manziel later became a human meme? Just think, if Alabama had won, we might have been spared the endless 'Manziel' references in sports commentary..
• Headline: Tragedy Strikes Staten Island During Hurricane Sandy. Impact: The tragic events of Hurricane Sandy highlighted severe flaws in urban planning and emergency preparedness, leading to an increased focus on climate change and the disbanding of several local government departments that couldn’t even organize a two-car parade.. Fact: Did you know that Staten Island was once known for its vast open spaces? Now it's more famous for questionable evacuation strategies. Who knew disasters could have such a PR impact?.
• Headline: Boehner's Call for G.O.P. Unity. Impact: Boehner’s attempt to whip the House G.O.P. into shape paved the way for more political ‘team-building retreats’ that had all the excitement of watching paint dry, contributing to the general apathy of the American public towards politics.. Fact: Did you know that Boehner's skin tone was often compared to that of an orange? Maybe he should have just rolled himself into the negotiations and called it a day!.
• Headline: Amid Calls to Open China’s Politics, Party Digs In. Impact: As the Communist Party dug in its heels, it inadvertently set the stage for underground movements and memes that would eventually flood social media platforms with calls for reform... all while making the Party's control tighter than a pair of skinny jeans after Thanksgiving.. Fact: Did you know that every time someone criticizes the Communist Party in China, a kitten somewhere gets its wings? Just kidding, but it does make you wonder about the cost of free speech, doesn't it?.
• Headline: Jackson Is Said to Be Close to Rejoining Lakers as Coach. Impact: Phil Jackson's return to the Lakers reignited debates about coaching legends, later leading to a reality show called 'Coaching Your Way to the Top: How to Yell at Millionaires'. Who knew basketball could inspire such creativity?. Fact: Did you know that Phil Jackson has more championship rings than some people have fingers? Let's just say he could start a jewelry store specializing in championship bling!.