OCTOBER 16, 2012

Full News Archive

• Headline: Challenges Facing the Afghan Army. Impact: The high desertion rates in the Afghan Army spark a global trend where armies everywhere begin to offer 'no experience necessary' job ads. This eventually leads to an influx of baristas and yoga instructors in military ranks, drastically changing military strategy to include 'coffee breaks' and 'mindfulness drills'.. Fact: Afghan Army desertions were so high that they considered replacing soldiers with cardboard cutouts. Turns out they were just as effective and didn’t complain about rations!.
• Headline: From Diner Dreams to Future Visions. Impact: Bridgette's dream of rejuvenating her town inspires a movement of young people who start 'Project Diner Revamp', leading to a nationwide craze of turning old diners into hipster co-working spaces. Suddenly, pancakes are replaced by overpriced avocado toast, and the only thing that gets refilled is the artisanal coffee.. Fact: Elyria is actually known as 'The City of Progress'. Apparently, that name was established before the advent of smartphones and Instagram..
• Headline: The BlackBerry as Black Sheep. Impact: The BlackBerry's fall from grace inspires a new generation of 'retro tech enthusiasts', leading to a bizarre revival of flip phones in the early 2020s. This sparks a fashion trend where people wear flip phones as accessories, mistakenly believing it makes them edgy and ironic.. Fact: BlackBerry was once so powerful that it could literally send emails faster than light. Just kidding, but it certainly felt that way to the early 2000s corporate warriors!.
• Headline: Debt Impasse Shadows Race for Presidency. Impact: The debt impasse leads to a bizarre reality where politicians start running on a platform of debt forgiveness, confusing the public who think they're talking about student loans. This eventually causes a massive uptick in 'debtors' anonymously running for office, creating a political landscape dominated by people who owe money to everyone.. Fact: In the world of politics, having a debt can be a great conversation starter. 'Hi, I’m running for office and also owe $50,000 in credit card debt!' is sure to win over the hearts of many!.