OCTOBER 14, 2012

Full News Archive

• Headline: Libya's Struggle with Armed Militias. Impact: Had Libya managed to tame those militias, we might have seen a resurgence of disco in the 70s, leading to an alternate timeline where bell-bottoms became the universal dress code and people danced instead of fighting.. Fact: Libya has more oil than you can shake a stick at, yet the only thing it seems to be able to produce effectively is chaos..
• Headline: Concerns Rise Over Reverse Mortgages. Impact: The rise of reverse mortgages has inadvertently led to the invention of the ‘Home Alone’ 3: Elderly Edition, where seniors defend their homes from greedy banks with nothing but sheer will and a lot of cat videos.. Fact: Reverse mortgages are like a bad magic trick: you think you're getting cash, but in reality, you're just disappearing your home equity..
• Headline: ‘Girls’ Who Broke the Laugh Ceiling. Impact: The breaking of the 'laugh ceiling' by female comics has set off a chain reaction, resulting in an annual 'Women Who Make Us Laugh' festival that attracts more attendees than the Super Bowl—because who needs touchdowns when you can have punchlines?. Fact: Before this movement, the only ceiling women were breaking was the one in their own kitchens while trying to reach for the last cookie..
• Headline: Taking No Prisoners in Boozy, Brutal Head Games. Impact: The intense emotions stirred by this production of 'Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?' have inspired a new wave of therapy where attendees are encouraged to scream at each other over wine, creating a new art form called 'Theraputainment.'. Fact: The original play was so intense, it was almost called 'Who's Afraid of Everything?' but they decided that was just too relatable..