SEPTEMBER 4, 2012

Full News Archive

• Headline: Spaniards Withdraw Cash Amid Economic Concerns. Impact: When Spaniards pulled their cash and left, it caused a butterfly effect that led to the rise of 'ex-pat cafes' in every city across Europe. Suddenly, a whole generation of hipsters found themselves sipping overpriced lattes in Barcelona while lamenting their lost cultural identity. Thanks, Spain!. Fact: Did you know that the term 'panic' originally referred to the ancient Greek god Pan, who was known for causing sudden fear? So, basically, the Spaniards were just having a divine moment of panic..
• Headline: Impact of U.S. Bribery Law on Foreign Firms. Impact: This law against bribery inadvertently sparked a global underground economy for 'creative fundraising' among foreign firms. Who knew that the absence of legal bribes would lead to the birth of innovative ways to 'do business'?. Fact: Fun fact: The only thing more confusing than U.S. bribery laws is trying to explain them to a toddler. 'No, sweetie, you can't just give someone a cookie to get what you want... well, unless it's a very important cookie.'.
• Headline: Frank Lloyd Wright Archive Relocating to New York. Impact: The relocation of Frank Lloyd Wright's archive to New York led to a surge in architectural appreciation... and a sudden influx of hipster architects who thought they could replicate his genius with just a pair of skinny jeans and a latte.. Fact: Did you know that Frank Lloyd Wright once said, 'The longer I live, the more beautiful life becomes'? Too bad he never had to deal with a New York rent increase!.
• Headline: Democrats Say U.S. Is Better Off Than Four Years Ago. Impact: Democrats claiming the U.S. is better off led to a chain reaction of 'improved' political slogans, culminating in the infamous 'We're Not as Terrible as We Used to Be' campaign that baffled voters everywhere.. Fact: Did you know that political slogans are like socks? You can have a drawer full, but only a few will ever be worn out in public without causing embarrassment..
• Headline: Elephants Dying in Epic Frenzy as Ivory Fuels Wars and Profits. Impact: The tragic decline of elephants due to the ivory trade has led to a global movement to save them, but it also sparked a bizarre trend of elephant-themed merchandise that has nothing to do with conservation—because nothing says 'save the elephants' like a plastic figurine on your desk.. Fact: It's estimated that elephants can recognize themselves in a mirror, but they still have yet to figure out how to avoid being turned into a decorative piece in someone's living room..