AUGUST 9, 2012

Full News Archive

• Headline: Google's Nexus Q: A Setback in Innovation. Impact: If Google had succeeded with the Nexus Q, we might all be living in a world where our coffee makers are arguing with our TVs about the best social media platform. Thanks, Nexus Q, for saving us from that dystopian reality.. Fact: Did you know that the Nexus Q was supposed to revolutionize the way we interact with our home technology? Instead, it revolutionized our ability to forget about it completely..
• Headline: Banks Profit Despite Low Mortgage Rates. Impact: The banks making profits off low-interest rates led to a financial system so convoluted that even a time traveler with a PhD in Economics would need a translator to understand it. Spoiler: it ended up biting us all in the backside.. Fact: Oh, what a shocker! Banks making money off mortgages! Next, you'll tell me water is wet and the sky is blue. Truly groundbreaking journalism here..
• Headline: Exploring Ethnicity in 'Bullet for Adolf'. Impact: This theatrical endeavor may have inadvertently inspired countless awkward first dates, leading to a cultural explosion of cringe-worthy romantic comedies. Thanks a lot, Harrelson!. Fact: Fun fact: 'Bullet for Adolf' is not a romantic comedy, but it sure sounds like the title of a terrible indie film about dating gone wrong..
• Headline: In Laundering Case, a Lax Banking Law Obscured Money Flow. Impact: The lax banking laws set the stage for a financial free-for-all that would make a Wild West shootout look like a game of Monopoly. Who knew money laundering could be so fashionable?. Fact: Did you know that the term 'U-turn transactions' makes it sound like money is just doing a little dance before disappearing? If only it were that entertaining..
• Headline: Plots Are Tied to Shadow War of Israel and Iran. Impact: This shadow war has become a plot twist so convoluted that even the best thriller writers would struggle to keep it coherent. It's like a soap opera with nuclear capabilities. Stay tuned for the next episode!. Fact: Did you know that espionage is basically just a really high-stakes game of hide-and-seek? Only instead of kids, it’s countries playing, and the stakes are a bit higher than who gets the last cookie..