AUGUST 6, 2012

Full News Archive

• Headline: Zillow Expands Mission to Businesses. Impact: When Zillow decided to broaden its mission, it accidentally unleashed a wave of real estate apps that led to people arguing over property values at family gatherings. Everyone now has an opinion on the housing market, and Aunt Marge won't stop bringing it up during Thanksgiving.. Fact: If only Zillow had stuck to houses, we might have avoided the Great App Argument of 2025. Fun times!.
• Headline: Industry Responds to Congressional Deadlock. Impact: The fear of an impasse in Congress resulted in a chain reaction of executive decisions that led to a nationwide trend of businesses retreating into their corporate shells, like turtles avoiding a tax audit. This ultimately caused a shortage of new jobs, which ironically made everyone yearn for the good old days of bipartisan squabbling.. Fact: Remember when people thought gridlock in Congress was bad? We now have corporate executives playing 'Hide and Seek' with investments instead..
• Headline: Banks Race to Defend Against Libor Claims. Impact: The Libor scandal kickstarted a banking culture where every bank started to see its rivals as potential scapegoats. This created a competitive sport for the finance elite: 'Who can throw their competitors under the bus the fastest?' Spoiler alert: Everyone loses.. Fact: It's like watching a bunch of kids in a sandbox—everyone's sharing, but instead of toys, they're sharing secrets that'll crash economies..
• Headline: In Britain’s Little Jamaica, Rejoicing Over a Speedster. Impact: Usain Bolt's victory sparked a sense of national pride in Jamaica, which inadvertently led to an increased number of track clubs popping up everywhere. Now, every kid thinks they can run like Bolt, leading to more sprained ankles than ever before. Thanks, Usain.. Fact: After his win, a record number of parents began shouting 'Run, Usain, run!' at their kids during school sports days. Spoiler: No one won a gold medal..
• Headline: Outside Cash in Missouri Race Could Be a National Model. Impact: The Missouri race became a blueprint for future campaigns, leading to a cascade of 'dark money' spending that turned elections into a high-stakes poker game where only the wealthiest players had a seat at the table. The outcome? Democracy went on a diet while money gained weight.. Fact: Who knew that having a bunch of rich people influence politics could lead to a national model? Let's all raise a glass to 'democracy'!.